Podcast #128: We chat with Kent C Dodds about why he loves React and discuss what life was like in the dark days before Git. Listen now.
104

Since you want to apologize, it's very simple. You can go ahead and start a conversation, not loud, and say like, I apologize for what I said. I already have an injured leg and when you stepped on my foot, it hurt a lot. So, I really didn't mean what I said at that time in pain. I hope you understand. A simple apology won't hurt and it can set things ...


87

It's probably best not to say anything. Unless there is something remarkable about the involuntary response, there really isn't a reason to reply to their reflexive remarks after it. Think of it this way: There wasn't any indicator that their cough or yawn was relevant to the conversation at hand. In this case the remarks of "sorry" or "excuse me" aren't ...


84

Sadly, it did not go away and I told her that it might be better if we spend the night separately because I didn't want her to suffer and stay awake just because of my constant coughing. It's subtle, but if you told her what you told us, then you've already implied that you've decided to spend the night separately. Consider the difference between these two ...


55

I'm late to this question, but I'd like to take a stab at it. What you said and did was so painful that I don't think a simple apology and explanation will "make amends". I am an apology freak, if you want to label it. I think that when you've done real harm, apologies, a request for forgiveness, a promise that you'll try to mend your errant ways, and an ...


47

How should someone apologize when both parties were wrong? Simply put, by apologizing for the wrong that you did. A sincere apology does not come with strings attached, and isn't a chance to sling one last barb. As you say, I realize my reactions to his behavior were poor. That's great self-awareness! So apologize for your behavior, and leave his out ...


45

A possible gushing response: Him: "Sorry it looks like I am ignoring you. I have been very busy and answering your questions isn't a small amount of time." You: "Professor (Name), I can't express how much I appreciate the time and effort that you put into answering my questions. You've been doing me a huge favor and helping in my studies more than I can ...


41

Depending on how comfortable you feel saying it, you could simply say: "Thank you, don't worry about it" And then smile politely. You're not saying something untrue as it was an accident and I doubt you want the person to worry about what he did for the rest of the day, so I feel as though that is a very good alternative for "it's okay" and often I say "...


38

Given that this was triggered by the recent #metoo awareness campaign about sexual harassment, what I have seen some of my friends do and seems to have been received positively, is to join the campaign by publicly apologising for past behavior. The reason is that the goal of the campaign is not only to show how many women suffer sexual harassment in their ...


30

If you are like me, you will live with that remorse forever. Hell, I still remember stupid stuff I did as a kid and never had the chance to apologize and set it free... My advice is to do what you (and I agree with) think it's right. Independently of her reaction, apologize. This will bring two things: Peace of mind to you - you did what's right: admit ...


27

One response I sometimes leverage is "I'll never forgive you" -- usually accompanied by a wry smile -- when people apologize for small things like that. This response is obviously fairly sensitive to context (avoid using it at funerals or during murder trials), but if in a sufficiently informal context -- such as waiting in line or on an elevator, or during ...


27

My grandfather, who was a man of great class and tact, believed that the proper response to someone excusing themself after a bodily sound (burp, cough, etc) was a gracious but casual, "Certainly." This should be done in an almost offhand manner. The aim is to acknowledge that your heard them speak without drawing undue attention to the situation or ...


24

How could I communicate, I did nothing wrong and don't want to apologize You don't, because "This was all your fault" never goes over well. If you want to get over this and continue your starting relationship, maybe the best thing for now is to just let it rest for a bit and try to get on with things. Probably both of you have cooled down a bit and going ...


22

In my experiences, testing someone usually ends up upsetting the person. When they tell you something and hold you to it, they expect you to fulfill that desire until they’ve let you know they’re ready. Not kissing you was a boundary your girlfriend had set between you and something she held as important. When you asked to break that, she could’ve felt as ...


21

Here's the thing about Indian classrooms Teachers usually expect "pindrop silence" and undivided attention when they're teaching, and complete "obedience" in general. That is, while they're teaching, do not turn towards your classmates, chew gum, fidget with pens, look at the walls or windows, or anything whatsoever. And more importantly, don't do anything ...


18

I think that your response is professional and appropriate. Look at it this way: It is true that you did not send that email. You are being sincere and truthful about it. If someone chooses to believe that you are lying, there is not much you can do. Simply be honest, and calmly explain the truth (as you did in your draft). Sometimes however, tone can be ...


18

You need to break your dependency on this professor, for your benefit and his. It is entirely possible that he has been too busy recently and will resume "normal service" in due course. You just need to be patient and find some other way to get the answers you need. Maybe there is a Stack Exchange site on the subject you're studying, or some other ...


17

An explanation for the delay is often unnecessary I second what LMGagne said, an explanation is unnecessary (unless they specifically ask for one), and will only cause more attention to be drawn to the delay. Imagine the other way around, imagine it's you waiting for them to respond, and ask yourself; what would you prefer - them responding to your actual ...


17

Over the years I've found that it's usually unnecessary to explain a delay in situations like this. More over, that offering an explanation draws attention to the delay and away from the actual message. You might consider, where appropriate, mentioning whatever you've been working on or otherwise involved in lately without offering it as an excuse for your ...


17

Like AJ I would also recommend making this no more complicated than it is and apologise. I do think you didn't just hurt her feelings through what you said, but also the fact that the rest of the class clearly heard what you have said (and found it hilarious). In addition to making an apology, clearly stating that you said what you said in the heat of the ...


17

Let's take a quick look at some of the things that happened and their inherent implications to your situation. . . . and confronted her in front of all her friends . . . This was a big mistake. You made a personal situation between you and her a situation with everyone. This is going to severely upset and likely embarrass her. Understand that what you ...


15

It sounds like your desire to apologise is sincere. If only she could read your question here as written. I don't think anybody can second-guess her response. Any of the outcomes you list are a possibility. Too many apologies come out like excuses. Don't attempt to say that you acted the way you did because of x,y or z. The thing you want to get across ...


15

You mentioned the professor is retired now. To me his reply sounds like initially he thought you'd just be asking him one or two questions, but now you are basically using him like he's your professor with regular office hours. He's very politely letting you know not to bother him anymore and let him enjoy his retirement (he should be less busy now, shouldn'...


14

A possible reason for these half-apologies is that they are already imagining how you might feel, looking at the situation from your perspective. To these half-apologies, the nicest thing would be to accept them, as you already noted. But you may add to that by letting them know your side as well. At work: The coworkers are aware that they're bothering you ...


14

I had a "falling-out" with a close friend due to distance/life as well. We used to hangout and talk often, and we were even getting groceries and dinner together every Wednesday for a few months! But they moved and stopped responding as often to me until eventually I stopped hearing from them. I'm on your friend's side of things though. While the few ...


13

I am delighted to see the question and the interactions. I am (or try to be) a student of life, and I feel I've learned something today. I suggest: "I'm fine; thank you." If he seems unsteady himself, you might then ask, "Are you OK?" "I'll be (or I am) fine. Don't worry about it." [After any manner of chuckle]: "You have a good day, Sir." It's ...


13

My advice for this would be to be blunt. Straight up tell Rick, "Hey, I am sorry if our constant teasing hurt you. We never meant it and it was all in good humour. You are always welcome to come back to us" or some variant thereof. Maybe doing it over your online chats or gaming time would be a good idea. However, I do feel it was not-so-good conduct of you ...


13

Forgive yourself first. From reading your comments, it sounds like you are wanting her forgiveness so you can be at peace. But this ignores the fact that you are the one in control of your life, and it is not her resentment that is holding you back right now. You need to first, forgive yourself. Whatever you did, you need to learn to be at peace with ...


12

"It's ok" doesn't mean "I don't care if people smash into me on the street." It means "I accept your apology and will not continue to hold this against you." Since you are going to walk away and never think of this person again, it's pretty accurate and appropriate. If it's someone you will see again, and you think they were careless and should know you're ...


11

I'm on the autistic spectrum too, sometimes understanding why neurotypical people do the things they do helps me to deal with them... It may be an oversimplification, but to my understanding saying "it's ok" or "no problem" upon receiving an apology isn't the same as saying that there was no reason to apologize. In English at least, saying "no problem" ...


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